summarizing my life (can't help anymore. I'm dizzy)

Hello blog, its me. Its been a year since the last time I posted something here. A lot of things has happenned but I've been a kinda busy so I couldn't share them here.

I'm back because I feel the urge to spill this thing outta my head. I don't know whoelse to tell.

Lotta things happenned this year. Mostly about my so called new job and marriage issue. I've taken some big leap in my life this year.

I started my first day on april 4th 11, and still working until today. I was in the officer development program which requires lots of concentration, physical endurance, patience, and steel heart (I don't know if that makes any sense,hehe). There were in class trainings, exams, motivational classes, and on the job trainings. And what kills me the most was the phase of on the job training.

There were 3 stages of ojt. The first one was in funding bussiness. I was placed in fatmawati branch for 1,5 months. I did it quiet good and passed the exams. The next was in consumer lending bussiness, specially in mortgage bussiness. I was placed in alam sutra branch for 3,5 months. That time, was fantastic! I had a great managers, great officers, great friends, great working environment, and very great working experience. I lost my words talking about team alam sutera. We have such beautiful relationship until now. Regards to you Pak Budi (aka Daddy) for such wonderful experience and knowledge you taught me! Leaving alam sutra was the hardest. Alam sutera stole my heart.

And the last period of my ojt was HELL. I was placed in cideng barat branch for goddamn 5 months and I did it sucks. My manager equals evil. He didn't give any damn about what's going on in my working life, my achievements, his coaching function towards me, and I'm fucked up. In funding bussiness, your life sucks if you got that kind of evil manager. So, I didn't give any damn about him either. And yeah, I didn't pass the exam.

About a month ago, we were called to do comprehensive exam. And actually I think I did it quiet good. In short, I've passed the whole exam! Yeah, I passed! So this ends my trainee-program. Oh it feels good to have my dignity again. Being trainee was really really sucks. I felt like a trash.

Soooooo last week we got placed in new branches as a permanent employee. At first I was placed in green garden branch but big people politics at the office then moved me to puri kencana. What the hell? I was so happy to be placed in green garden then you moved me out from the sanctuary I've been longing for months? Bitch.

This. This is why I felt the urge to write. I can't say anything about this thing to my co workers right? This is the only place I cud spill them all.

I kinda feel a very huge crush on my GG manager.

Yes, that's it.
I can't say its a crush like the one I had to my fiancee the first time we met. I was fascinated by his charisma since the first time I was introduced to him. In my mind: this man is great. And reliable. And what flatter me the most: how he treated me as his new team member.

Day one, after we were introduced to each other, he took me to GG office, with his own car. He drove and I sat next to him. Its a kinda weird. I've never been in my boss' car, I mean it was just the two of us. We had such looooooong awkward moments while heading towards GG. He asked me many questions about my previous experiences and I spill them all. That I've never had big fat costumers, I've never sold that high profit products, and I've never had any coaching from my previous managers. Yes. I'm that bad, mr. Manager.

Arrived at the office, he introduced me to the whole team. Next he allowed me to have my lunch first bcos he wanted to have more conversation with me afterwards. What kind of convo? A theoretical convo, people. Brainwash maybe? Yes he did it. He taught me lotsa things. Coaching and teaching for sure. Knowledge transfer. He taught me strategic working plan. Oh how much I adore him.

The next day, he arrived to the office with his smiley face. Ah charming. After checking lending team, he moved to my desk and asked me, 'start learning?' My pleaaaaasureeee. Then he taught me again.

And that was the time, he knew that I'd be hijacked.

He kept asking me how cud it be? He thought that I was going to be in his team but then puri took me away from him. I can imagine how it feels like. My heart melt when I saw his shocked face and how he tried to keep me there. He lost his words for a couple of moments. He just looked into me without saying anything. Finally he told me, 'ok u can stop thinkin about this thing, better start doing summary, ill take care of this.' And that's when I walked out of the door feeling like crying. I don't want to be moved. I just want to stay.

Moments later, he walked out of his room, looked anxious, asking for cars, and decided to go out with his own car when he found out that there's no idle car. He went out. I suspected him heading to puri kencana. To fight for me.

I felt like my world has fallen apart. I just started to enjoy my new life. My new office, new desk, new chair, new environment, and my new boss. But they're going to take them away from me. I lost my sanity.

Then I spent my remaining time in GG writing memos, and waiting for him. In short, when he finally back to the office, I cud see his bitter face mimic, and my world fell real hard when he told me the bad news.

With his cold mimic he told me that he cudn make me stay. The head office insisted to take me. My god. And his arguments were not enough bcos its the head office. And mostly bcos I didn't spend my ojt period at GG. Holy shit. And he kept saying that I'm a good candidate so that I have the priority to stay at the head office, not at the branch. He said that he had tried his best to make me stay, but he failed. I was stunned. I can't say anything. Half begging, I told him I don't wanna stay at puri, its just too complicated for me. Not to mention puri is crowded enough. They don't have spaces left for me. And then he convinced me to complaint straight to plotting department. He told me in silence 'complaint, complaint, complaint!'

My heart melt.

This is the first time for me. Somebody fights for me.... Somebody wants me to stay. Somebody is pissed when I'm hijacked.

I saw his face..full of dissapointment. Its hard for me.
And when its time to go home, I can't resist myself. After saying goodbye and thankyou for these great 2 days, I felt like crying. He looked at me and said, 'maybe its not our time yet. But don't worry, we'll meet again. I'll see you, still. Maybe next time our time will come. Don't worry.' Then he smiled at me. He shaked my hands. 'Good luck. You can do it at puri.'

I walked out of the door.

And cried hard.

I hate this.

Until today, Its still hurt when I remember about it. The first time I felt like I have found my place, I cud only have them for 2 days before they took it from me. I was longing for a great leader, to guide me, support me, and coach me..but they took him away too. I don't know what's going on... But maybe its something I have to face before my glory.

Now I see him as my role model and my motivation at work. I want to perform really good...so that he cud see me as a champion and won't regret his decision to fight for me. I want to perform better, so that I cud get what I want. Based on what I've seen in the field, champions got what they want. I want them to move me back to GG (as long as daddy haven't got any replacement for me). If not, I want them to move my grade. Okay I'll stay at puri, but I want to be in higher position. And I want daddy to see me. He gave his knowledge, we have same visions and missions. And his knowledge is very useful...I owe him much.

This. I got a crush on him. How he treated me, what he had shared to me, how he motivated me... He's strict but still friendly. He's smart but his words are easy to understand.

I don't know what happenned to me..but honestly, I'm doing this passionately because of him.

Although we're not together this time, but I'm grateful for ever met him and being his sub-worker. Thankyou lord.. I hope our time will come soon. We'll be together as a team....



the good news

sooooo finally i have some good news to share here.

1. after waiting for freaking 8 days, the good news came. i was called by that company. hehe i have passed all the assessment thingies and i was freakin healthy to work (ofcourse, dumbass!). so i have to submit all remaining documents and they will call me back on friday to tell me the details about my first day. hooraaaaahhh! i knew it. theres no such things as rejected just because i skipped the ass & vagina examinations. hell no. for your information, dear beloved company, i am a virgin. and i dont want to have your ky jelly and your doctor's big fat index+middle finger inside my ass. so sorry. better choose another sucker.

so, Monday will be my first day. after all ive been thru, finally the day will come. hurrah. but im a bit scared, i wish i could make it until next year. amen.

2. ratih's mom adopted a baby sister for her! horaaaaaaa! and she's damn cute! her name is Sameera Zahwa Alkhalifah and she rocks. hahaahaha. she's getting fatter everyday and she's totally fashionable. haha. last monday we shopped for her a lot. from body suits to tanktops. from blankets to bottles. from wall stickers to hair lotions, and so on. baby things are irresistably cute! but i almost fainted when i heard the price. insane. theyre just expensive! hhhhh. jeez i couldnt imagine all the expenses when i had a child years from now.

u yeah, and these are some unforgivable cuteness for you guys.

introducing Sameera!

with her huge headband! her sister is just insane haha

aaaargghh she's smiling!

EXTRA KUTE right???

aaahhh im so happy for her. i cant wait to see her grow. and......i kinda want one. BAHAHAHAHA. like i can have one. and here's when ratih handed me sameera

oh please excuse my big panda eyes. i was tooo sleepy. i just woke up when she forced me to smile @ the camera. jeez how tired looking. awful. extra awful. eeeek!

3. i had a great time yesterday with Kiki. i went to her house and she kept me company while i was registering for my taxation number (i dont know if its the right translation of npwp. but who cares anyway?). we were driven crazy for the damned 3 hours of waiting. shitty. i got the number 308, while its still 146 when we arrived. insane. but we had a great time afterward. we had late lunch @ mcd and we ate like crazy. i was so full i couldnt walk. and kiki needed a new dress so we went looking for one after lunch. hurrahhh! i love looking for new dresses!

****aaaargggghhhh these mosquitos drive me crazy!!!!!! couldnt you just find another flesh to bite?????****

here's our changing room experience bahahahah

i love her new dress. and blazer. they fit really well.

what else ya?

hmmm actually im suffering right now. im broke. this document completion thing makes it worse. i had no money left in my wallet. i even owe some money to some people. my godness. i should make LOTS of money after this. hhh and i hope i got some other good news to share later. i will be there if i had any. c ya real soon.



meet up = gossiping

just a quick post

sooooo yesterday i met tiara. i missssss her so much. we used to hang out almost everyday, do stupid and unnecessary things together as well as my other girls @ jokja. and being separated is not eaaaasssyyyyyy. trust me, its hard. life seems different without them. huuhuuu.but now tiara's already here! sadly, she's in kelapa gading for work. aaarrggghh too far. and her current job gets her long working hours and random holiday. yes random holiday. its one holiday on weekdays and another one on weekend. darn. and that makes it even harder to meet her.

we met at blokm area. she said that she wanted to have such nostalgic moment around blokm (near her former highschool). yeah yeah hahaha. i agreed coz im the so-called centeng blokm. ahahahahahah. its my area. after that horrible medical checkup, i headed straight to blokm. tiara has arrived already while i was still queuing for physical examination. and soon we had lunch @blokm square.

and this is the fun part. after lunch, we wanted to have some dessert. and tiara vote for SINGAPOREAN ICE. bahahahahah nice name huh? and its so delicious i wanna live in singapore! ups, that reminds me of something. haha. and this is what it looked like:

tiara and the mango-strawberry singaporean ice
this ice cream (was this one really an ice cream? i dont know) tasted realllyyyyy goooooooooooooooddddddddd. seriously. this one is the best! this baby tasted so much like what its promised. it tasted really strawberry and mango! it had the mango ice on the bottom (the yellow one), and strawberry ice on top (the pink one) and splashed with strawberry and mango syrup PLUS real strawberry and mango. bonus: huge strawberry on top! tasted amazing. so soft, delicate, almost creamy taste. and it didnt melt. i swear. oh my god i start to drool. and not to mention, it is HUGE. seriously. huge. and the one i ordered was the regular size. i cant imagine the large sized one.

we had a lotta talk while munching. tiara had such awesome gossips i missed (she always had). i was so happy to meet her. and she handed me the jarik i ordered for my peningset. huhu. love love love.

we finished the day by walking around and trying to find bedak cempaka for ibu inem! hahahahaha and bedak cempaka iz already discontinued hahahahaah. then i companied tiara to buy some loose powder for herself. horaaaaaay finally my plain tiara transformed a bit hahahaha *peace ti*. and then we met mas heru. he picked up tiara there. we had a bit chat, the we separated way home.

and i forgot to get my mom's medicine.

but overall, im happy!


im still alive

uh hello blog. im sorry for the lack of posting there. actually there were soo many things happened in past 2 weeks (or more i supposed?). i became a quiet busy doing unexplainable thingies.

guess what happened?
1. im getting closer to my engagement day. the peningset stuffs are almost complete. still waiting for the bag and jarik from tiara,and cosmetics to complete (lip products and NAIL product. yes, NAIL. I CAN HAVE NAIL POLISH FOR MY P STUFFS! yesss! all hail earth!)

2. my boyfriend has finally purchased the gold. yeah yeah yeah after weeks of mouth fighting about this little shiny square, we decided to dump antam and go find ordinary chinese gold seller (hey, you will get better price from chinese seller). we did a couple of researches about the market price, and we hit the square last week. such amazing price, and im happy with the result. and im relieved. one down, 3 more to go.

3. finally i got a chance to visit teraskota. i heard much rave about this place, the atmosphere and the outdoor dining. sounds really great. but my boyfriend always refuse my wish to go there. and finally, last saturday when we had nothing to do, he asked me one beautiful question: "how about bsd? is there any good place to hangout?" oh baby, you dont know how much i love you for this heavenly question. i wanted to make sure first about the rave i heard, so i asked kiki about hangout place in bsd. and yes, she answered me good. teraskota, is just great. by the time we touchdown teraskota, i fell in love with it. i love the atmosphere. and it wasnt a crowded saturday night. unlike my beloved pim. i hate pim on saturday night. and teraskota has blitz megaplex inside. we watched driveangry, after my boyfriend got bored of walking. quiet good.

4. i went to my elementary school-friend wedding with ratih & orry. my first friend's wedding here. oh its good to be dressed up. i love dressing up hehe. they picked me up @ 7 and we got trapped in traffic jam and hit the place @ 8.30. hungry, hungry, hungry. the place wasnt big, but its well decorated. they're running out of food but we still got the sushi. hmmmmmm what's better then sushi groove-endorsed wedding? i want one...........

5. my house's renovation is almost done. i love my new bathroom and painted walls. hehe. its on peach color scheme. but still good. blame the different paint-picker. we picked almost the same shade for every room. my mom didnt hear me sound. i would pick better colors if i were appointed to. huh.

6. i got dizzy choosing the shade for my nail polish. help me pick one! i want red, since its the best shade on my hands. but my mom wants paler shade to do french manicure. she loves my french manicure. she thinks that its more elegant to wear than red. huhuuuuu im dizzy. here's the colors:


the show must go on
an affair in red square
royal rajah ruby

ali's big break

suzi and the lifeguard

hawaiian orchid

malaysian mist

pink a doodle

which oneeeeeee?????????? *dizzy

update: finally i got the hawaiian orchid one. just because of the shimmers in it. i already got one creamy plain pale pink polish in my stash.