updates?

soooo its official, i dont get that effing job. seems like my other friends will get it. so yeah, welcome lower standards. live with it, gy, face your destiny. u cant dream higher. because in fact, uve reached nothing. salute!

and, being jobless for more than 5 months changed me so much. ive become sarcastic, negative, a lottttt more sassy, spoiled, annoyed, sensitive...everything negative. u name it then. its like, no more fun. now i know what my brother felt. but its still not the same. he's bachelor in information technology, like its the prestigious major, and will easily applied in real life. and me? international relations? its sucks by the way. unless u became an ambassador, civil servant, lecturer, scientist, embassy worker, or that-hot-girl-who-can-easily-snog-that-hot-guy-over-there-and-the-guy-turns-out-to-be-the-son-of-a-multibillioner, graduating from international relations with zero job experience and zero academic achievement, plus zero brain (just like i did), will left you in despair. thank you, thank you.

soooooooo, now my days are filled with...............nothing. the last 2 months didnt run out as smooth as the other months. no more jobseeking, job fairs, interviews, and tests. the only test ive attended was the one from that drooling beverage company. and im rejected by now. its been 2 weeks and still no call. unless they call me in an hour, im officially rejected.

beside all that job seeking junks, i am now getting dizzy by all the marriage planning stuffs. yeah, im getting married and still jobless. my fiance once said "its alriteeeeee, as days go by, ull find ur perfect job. and your status has no relation with this preparation at all. u dont have to worry, its okay that ure still jobless by now. i dont mind. we'll figure it out later. or u can find temporary job just for now. dont be sad." yeah, u can say that, but i have values and my own ideal standards. i lost my face. mind this: "oh she's so young to be married, but look, shes still jobless. oh it doesnt matter, she has her husband to take care of her." or this "oh look, that jobless idiot could celebrate wedding like this? it must be her husband's money. or her parents'." oh kill me.

and next month will be my 22nd birthday. another birthday. this year i had my birthday with surprise from my boyfriend and my family. i had a great hope coz i was starting my undergraduate thesis and i was earlier than my other friends. a big hope and optimism, i was looking forward to finish my school, come home, get a job as fast as possible, and plan my engagement. what a great birthday. but for next year, i dont know...i just dont have a vision about it.

the only thing that makes me happy is being around my boyfriend. really. i could forget my problems somehow. even just for a second. and because it must be on weekends, i love weekends. i could talk about anything with him, from something serious to rubbish. and i could cry if i want to. like when i was rejected by the ministry, i couldnt cry. my mother prohibited me to cry. but i was so disappointed i would cry. so i cried when he came to my house and saw the announcement. i wish he's here now. but when he left, like my world starts to fall apart again. im alone again. and on monday, i will start mourning myself again.

at first i wanted to make a post about marriage planning thingies, but then i read about some friends' acceptance. and that left me in despair again. so my post turned out like this.

sorry for the inconvenience. i will be back. if my mood and luck brought me.

strawberry flavored oreo.